Quirkyalone by Sasha Cagen © 2004
Synopsis: The author of Quirkyalone describes someone who is quirkyalone as: “Being able to live a fulfilled, happy life whether you’re single or coupled up. It doesn’t mean you’re opposed to being in a relationship, but you don’t need to be in one.”
Comments: I’ve had this book for around 4 years now. I actually blogged about it on my first blog host, back when I originally got it, in April of ’05. I remember reading parts of it, but not reading it completely, because, at the time, portions of the book didn’t have any real-life parallels. However, since the aforementioned “relationship” book I read took a nosedive in the reality department, I started referring to my own bookshelf for something new to read; and that’s when I rediscovered Quirkyalone.
Instead of putting my personal spin on what I like about the book, I’ve decided to share with you some of my favorite excerpts that I feel accurately describe my current status/outlook.
• Most womb quirkyalones have a sense from an early age, of being different. It’s common, though not universal, for wombs to have childhood memories of liking to be alone, playing alone, reading alone, amusing themselves with fantastic imaginations.
• “Then one day you admit it: ‘I’m a quirkyalone, I was born this way’ or ‘I became this way,’ and it doesn’t matter. You are listening to yourself instead of whatever the outside messages are. You enjoy listening to yourself. I don’t mean that you talk to yourself. But there’s some inner dialogue, some inner calling that propels you forward. You never want to dilute that, diminish it, or sell it out. Therefore you would rather be alone than in a relationship that calls for losing your core sense of who you are.“- William Poy Lee, 52
• A lot of people have the wrong idea about us. they assume that the “alone” part of our moniker means that we are totally content with being single; that our supreme comfort in singledom means we would never spy on a potential date, ask a friend to set us up, or use an online dating service. Actually the truth is a bit more complex. We like being single, but that’s not the only reason we spend such long periods in the single state. Our deeply romantic nature commands it – and creates a certain romance than can be equally possible in both coupled and single states.
• Loving The Wrong Person*
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems – the ones that make you truly who you are – that you’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person – someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
-Daily Afflictions by Andrew Boyd
* I especially love this. It perfectly describes my perspective on the whole “relationship” front.
• “I’ve learned you cannot make someone love you. ll you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.“- Nancy Ridgeway, “Lessons I’ve Learned,” published in the Anderson Valley Advertiser
• Everyone has negative romantic experiences. The mark of a quirkyalone is that we don’t let them get us don completely. We would rather be raw, take it, then move on. Of course, the quirkyalone heart can grow callused over time. Having high hopes leas to disappointment, and after many disappointments, when years go by and everyone else is paired off while we remain single, the hopeful nature of the quirkyalone can be worn away by a growing weariness and cynicism. Why bother investing hope again? It happens to the best of us. Cynicism and hope are always in flux. What distinguishes the quirkyalone is that a kernal of hope lives on.*
* As much as I’ve tried to kid myself that I’ve given up all hope, I reluctantly admit that this paragraph does describe me to a T.
Tomorrow: Part II Volume 2
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Neat. I liked the passages you highlighted and I’m glad there’s a name for hopeful cynics like me. (I mean, other that “spinster,” ’cause I get too dizzy.
)
Comment by Lynda May 8, 2009 @ 5:54 am