Kirkkitsch’s Blog

Mental Goulash XVI

I have several little rants to get off my chest, then tomorrow, we can move on to more secular ones (so to speak).

• As you may or may not know, I’m no child advocate. I don’t eat them or lure them to my gingerbread house (anymore), but as a rule, I’m not a kid fan. This isn’t to say that I wish them harm (often), I just don’t like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. You get the idea. It’s like that old joke about lawyers: What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. Insert ‘children’ for lawyers and you get the picture.

BUT, with this said, the whole pedophilia thing makes me nervous. I’m not OUTRAGED or worked up into a frothy frenzy of holier-than-thou scowls and angry murmurings, but I don’t like it. I find it creepy and unnatural and completely unfair to the rest of us who go through NORMAL channels to get dates. But I digress.

Yesterday, I received a postcard in the mail, notifying me of a ‘High Risk Sex Offender’ in ‘My Community.’ WHAT?! I live down the street from an elementary school and this asshole’s zip code is the same as MINE? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought they had to be within a certain radius to live anywhere remotely NEAR a school! So, this prompted me to go to the National Alert Registry and type in my zip code: “34 registered sex offenders are living near you.” WHAT? Do the police just not give a shit or what? Maybe if they used the time allotted for lurking in parking lots and around corners (AKA speed traps), they could get something USEFUL accomplished on their shift. What the point of having laws, if they’re just going to let them (sex offenders) land wherever their finger falls on a map? I really don’t understand this…AT ALL.

• I received a frantically-scrawled note (complete on notepad paper) from my dad, IN THE MAIL a few days ago. It basically said ‘Call me, I’m concerned about you.’ My first reaction was “since when?” But then I just found it irritating. Yes, yes, I know. It is nice that he someone is concerned about me, but let’s cut the dramatics. He obviously wasn’t concerned enough to put a dent in a tank of gas. I have both a land line (home) phone and a cell phone. I didn’t see any “6″ phone calls on my home phone caller ID, and zilch on my cellphone, which I told him to call INSTEAD of the home phone, because I have voicemail, where he can leave me a message should the need arise.

So, I go to call HIM at times he should be home (or at least times I assumed he would). Three times I do this, each time getting his answering machine. I left a message the first time, but as a rule, I generally don’t leave messages on machines. I contemplated sending him a frantically-scrawled note via the US Postal System, but opted to try one more time. Well, I’m happy to report that I reached him this morning at 10am (the time he called me yesterday, according to my home caller ID). Everything is fine (except his hearing, which WOULD be if he’d wear his goddamn hearing aid) and I promised to call him more often (it’d been a whopping 2 weeks since our last phone call).

So, this is what I don’t get: when my mom was alive (and lucid), I heard from him maybe 2 times a year, and that was only if he got on the extension with my mom to give me a ‘shout out.’ Otherwise: crickets. SO, now that HE’S bored and/or lonely, he’s “concerned” about me. Well, the way I see it, he wasn’t too “concerned” about me when he was making the acquaintance of his new lady “friend” while my mom was dying in the hospice. And now that my elusive step-sister has crawled from the woodwork, to take on the doting daughter role (after a 10+ year absence: and I do mean ABSENCE; no birthday cards/Father day cards/Xmas cards, etc. NONE), I figure let her be his “rock.” Maybe she’ll walk away with some lovely parting gifts, which I know she’s hoping for.

Don’t get me wrong, believe it or not, I do love my dad. What I don’t love is the fact that he made the choice to be AWOL most of my adult life, until HE’S lonely. I guess I’m just one of those people who’s not big on change: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

• Okay, this next topic is one that I’ve been wanting to blog about for YEARS, but just never got around to it, but it’s a topic that’s still near & dear, after all these years. For PC reasons, consider this post my contribution for Black History Month.

I don’t really know how to breach the subject, other than to just come out and say it: WTF is up with black people (sorry, I find the term “African Americans” forced and goofy) and the snorting thing? It’s hard to explain without an audio file, but you may already be familiar with it, and if you’re not, after reading this and paying a little closer attention the next time you are out and about, YOU WILL. This ritual is one that has no geographical boundaries. It’s universal, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed it.

Imagine that you are gonna hock a loogie, make that sucking in noise at the back of your throat, but never spit. Now do this wherever you are in public: the grocery store, the movie theater, waiting in line, the post office, etc. AND, as well as having no geographical boundaries, it also has no specific gender and/or age limit; male and female, young and old, they ALL do it.

Anyway, I find it completely fuckin’ ignorant. And before you say “Maybe they have a cold or congestion issue. Perhaps they have a breathing problem.” No. No they don’t. If they did, it would be much more sporadic and varied. Like I said, they ALL do it. I’ve even noticed cases of white (or as they used to be called in the 80′s teen slang “wiggers”) and/or Asian people who keep the company of black people, either through friendship or relationships, who do this as well, so I KNOW it’s a learned behavior. I just wanna know WHY. A friend of mine has a theory that it’s a territorial thing, almost as if to make people aware of your presence. Sounds logical (in the sense that SOME logic has to come of this retarded antic). If you have any insight, please let me know. It’s got me stumped (and perpetually annoyed). And for those who have no idea what I’m talking about, pay closer attention the next time you go out in public, you WILL.

*For clarification, not all black people are guilty of this. I’d guesstimate 90-95% though.

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