The other morning I was killing time while Chumley was at the groomers, and since there’s not a heck of a lot open at 7am, I went to Jack in the Box and had breakfast. I noticed the placemat on the tray had a timeline of the Jack in the Box logo and really got a kick out of it. I have very fond memories of the seventies/eighties era Jack in the Box logo.

Looking over the “evolution” of Jack in the Box’s logo, it saddens me to see that they’ve become “too cool” to associate themselves with their icon’s roots. I realize they’ve kept “Jack,” but it’s a far cry from its original concept. I guess they convinced themselves that they were “thinking outside the box” by getting rid of it altogether. Whatever the case, I miss the colorful, fun logo of the 70′s & 80′s.

Oh! And while we’re on the concept of retro pop iconography, have you seen the latest Cap’n Crunch cereal boxes?! I was really excited to see the original Jay Ward version of the good ol’ Cap’n I grew up with, back on the shelves at Target! As an added bonus, on the back of each box are two “collector’s cards” featuring all the old characters that no one seems to know anymore: Jean LeFoote, Sea Dog, Harry Hippopotamus, Smedley the Elephant, Chockle the Blob, The Crunchberry Beast, etc!! Color me happy! “Crunchetize me, Cap’n” can suck it!

[ Click image for more detail ]

I hate summer, but I love this song.

Here are a few more school supply “necessities” I found.

• These B&W composition books were just 10¢ at Staples!! What?! If you buy more than 3, they’re 50¢ each. I paced myself and only got 3
• Classic black & white check. Throw in a hot pink sticker and it’s the eighties all over again!
• These metallic-covered composition books had great overlapping designs. I love how they’re so cool they don’t even need to spell out the word “composition”
• Metallic-covered “comp book” #2 (also from Staples)
• Urban Outfitters had these great spiral notebooks. The peanut butter one says “you’re the peanut butter to my jelly.” They also had another one that said “I love you more than french fries.
• Another beautiful Alice in Wonderland-themed notebook from Urban Outfitters

It’s time for back to school and that can only mean one thing: school supplies!! As you know, I am seriously addicted to school supplies. Always have been. I was one of those weirdo kids that was in heaven, when it came time to shop for binders, folders, spirals, composition books, etc. I am a sucker for bright colors and good design. Combine the two and you can forget about seeing me for a few hours. These are the designs of my finds this year.

[ From L to R. Click image for more detail ]
• Big Lots had these GREAT blank books (they are LARGE) for $5 apiece. I LOVE them so much! They’re made by Planahead and are hardcover, have perforated sheets, title bars and even a built-in ribbon bookmarker!
• I got this composition book at Office Depot. I love the combination of skulls and argyle!
• I found this colorful spiral notebook at Target. It’s made by a division of Mead, called Vision Licensing. It reminds me of the type of doodling I used to do in the 80′s. Love it!
• I got this owl folder at Target.
• I picked up several of these Fat Boy (a division of CarolinaPad) brand spiral notebooks at Target. Love the retro-look of their logo! Reminds me of old bubble gum ads.
• Another design of one of the blank books I picked up at Big Lots.
• Very 80′s composition notebook I picked up at Office Depot. Another CarolinaPad item, in the Times Square collection. You’re probably thinking I got this because it’s rainbow and rainbow=gay these days, but that’s not the reason. I’ve always loved rainbow-colored things, so this was a no-brainer. Simplicity never goes out of style.
• The beautiful rainbow-striped binder I found at Target.

I had to share this with you. This is the new donut/bagel place that just opened up down the street. My neighbors and I were cracking up over the ridiculous name. And the scary part is, this isn’t the FIRST “OMG” place to open up in the area. In south Arlington there is a new “fashion jewelry” store called Omg Fashion Jewelry & Accessories.

And while I’m on the subject of Generation Duh, check out this pitiful article from the Associated Press: Wear wristwatch? Use e-mail? Not for Class of ’14

The saddest part is, the people responsible for “the list” write as if all these changes are good things. As if everyone else is the oddball and their the ones on the cutting edge. I’d laugh if it weren’t so sad and deluded. Hate to be labeled less than awesome, but you SHOULD know how to write in cursive. You SHOULD know who Dr. Jack Kevorkian, Dan Quayle and Rodney King are. I really hope that professors and teachers alike are not going to take to heart:

“Being aware of the generation gap helps professors craft lesson plans that are more meaningful…”

That sounds like catering to ignorance. Make them do research and FIND OUT who Dan Quayle, etc. is.

And trust me, as much as they’d like for Gen X to “feel old” and/or out of touch, I don’t. Sorry. If anything, I feel SMART and comfortable in the knowledge that if there were a power outage, I’D still be able to function, not throw a tantrum and end up in a fetal position in the corner.

When a response to an older personal ad that I’d placed online, garnered a reply, I was caught a little off guard. It’d been so long since I posted it that I’d forgotten all about it. The guy’s name was Reuben and he lived in a nearby city, thirty minutes away. He was in his early twenties, Hispanic and the manager of a McDonald’s.

We talked on the phone for a while before making plans to go to dinner and a movie. The plan was for him to meet me at my apartment, where we would carpool to the movie and then have dinner afterwards.

Reuben was scheduled to be at my place at 6; the movie started at 7:30. I called the guardhouse to let them know that I was expecting company and to please let them in. I was ready around 5.

Six o’clock rolls around, and I’m keeping my ears peeled for the doorbell. He’s a little late, but I figure maybe there was traffic, we still have plenty of time before the movie starts. Six thirty rolls around…no show. I call him and he says he’s on his way.

Thirty minutes later, and he’s still a no-show. By this time, I’m annoyed because I’m a big believer in punctuality, and say ‘Fuck it! I’m not gonna sit here and wait any longer. I still have time to make the movie, with or without him.’

I get in the car and as I’m waiting for the automatic entrance gate to open, I see someone talking to the guard in the guardhouse that fits Reuben’s description. I roll down my window and ask him if his name is Reuben, he says yes, and I say ‘You caught me just in time. I was about to leave!’ I make a U-turn back inside and he parks his car near my apartment building. We introduce ourselves and I suggest an alternate plan: dinner now, then rent a movie. He’s game and we’re off in my car.

He’s cute. I mean REALLY cute. I’d learned not to get my hopes up, so it was a nice surprise. He’s well-groomed, dressed nice and did I mention cute? Okay, okay. So far he’s made up for being late, let’s see if he has a pulse.

He apologizes for being late. He says he got lost, but my instincts are telling me that he waited too long before starting to get ready (which is confirmed later, during dinner “conversation”, when he briefly forgets to stick to his story). As we’re talking, I periodically keep getting whiffs of something that smells awful. I can honestly say it bordered on decay…but more sour. I start freaking out, thinking it’s something in my car, which, as a rule, I try to keep clean, especially when I know I’m going to have a passenger(s).

I continue to maintain our conversation, while covertly checking around the car to see if I can locate the source of the stench. Lots of things run through my mind: Had the floor mats soured since I washed them? They were kinda wet when I put them back…oh god, did a stray fast food item find it’s way under one of the seats? Oh my god, was it under HIS seat? Was there a dead animal in the vicinity? Had one of us stepped in something? I checked the bottoms of my shoes. Nothing. Not wanting to draw attention to the fact that there was a rogue stench, I nonchalantly pinched my nose a few times to try and block it out. So far, he was oblivious.

Then it hit me. It was something in my car…him. As I watched him a little closer, I noticed that the rotten smell coincided each time he opened his mouth to speak, and the air conditioner vents were blowing it my way! I diligently tried to deal with it the best I could, but as time went on, it was filling the car’s interior like a stinky cloud hovering above us. I eventually had to roll down the windows, using “It’s such a nice night!” as an excuse (I rolled his down the farthest).

The smell eventually subsided and seeing as we hadn’t chosen a restaurant yet, I ask him what he was in the mood for: “I dunno.” I rattle off a slew of restaurants with assorted styles of food: Italian, Mexican, American, Chinese, etc. Again, “I dunno.” I drive around for a while, in areas dense with restaurant choices. Still no input to be found. A quarter of a tank of gas later, I make one last ditch effort at getting a response out of him, before giving up and telling him that we’re eating at Braum’s.

I initially tried to steer clear of a hamburger place, since he works at one, but after factoring in his tardiness, his lack of input and rancid breath, cute or not, my patience was waning. After all, someone had to get the ball rolling!

Once inside, we’re at the counter studying the menu, and I ask him what looks good to him: “I dunno.” Sigh. I order a cheeseburger and french fries. He follows suit. We have a seat and wait. There’s some semblance of conversation, but I don’t remember exactly what we talked about. Our food arrives and we start to eat. He starts telling me about his job, which he apparently REALLY likes, which is fine, but it doesn’t make for tantalizing dinner conversation. Then he says, authoritatively: “You know what’s wrong with these fries?” I know where this is headed, so I say in a chipper tone ‘There’s not enough of them!?’ Not amused, he says no, then I get a 10 minute spiel on McDonald’s fries vs Braum’s fries.

THEN he says (during the lull that follows his dissertation on fries): ‘You know what I would have done differently when preparing this hamburger?’ I reply, in almost a robotic tone that I don’t know. He pulls the same McDonald’s rhetoric outta his hat and by the time he’s finished, I’m tempted to seal the conversation with a melodical “e-i e-i o”, but I fight it.

At this point, I forego any question of ordering dessert, and announce that I’m getting ice cream. He debates getting a sundae, because he wants one, but not right now, but then he doesn’t want it to melt…. I stop him in mid sentence and tell him that we can put it in my freezer. He consents, orders the sundae and we’re off.

Back in the car, I say in a ‘Well! That was fun! Bye!’-tone, “What should we do now?” (secretly hoping he’s forgotten about renting a movie and wants to go home) Naturally, he says ‘I thought we were going to rent a movie.’ My internal dialogue says “Fuck!”, but on the outside I say ‘Oh yeah!’ Sigh.

We go to a nearby Blockbuster and again (surprise!) go through the Who’s On First routine of “I dunno.” I even remind him that there’s a sundae in the car…nothing. I finally make an executive decision, choose a movie, pay for it and head back to the apartment.

Once at the apartment, we out his sundae in the freezer, I immediately put the movie in the VCR. He sits as far away from me as humanly possible, which is fine with me. He may be cute, but he’s one boring heap of Hispanic halitosis.

We watch the movie, he makes a beeline for the freezer…and then proceeds to drip the fuckin’ sundae through the kitchen, dining room AND living room. I freak out when I notice the trail and go to grab it from him, so that I can at least set it in the sink before it spills anymore on the carpet. HE freaks out, not because he made a mess, but because he’s concerned he may have spilled some on his suede boots. His boots.

Hit the road, Nancy.

Courtesy of Telegraph.co.uk – Abbey Lincoln, who died on August 14 aged 80, was an influential jazz singer and songwriter renowned for a raw and passionate style redolent of Billie Holiday, from whom she drew inspiration.

Launched as a seductive chanteuse – she was known as “the black Marilyn Monroe” – Abbey Lincoln cut records and acted in films in the 1950s and 1960s, when she was depicted on album covers in slinky dresses, and appeared briefly in a Jayne Mansfield film wearing the revealing gown worn by Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She saw her career revive in the 1990s when she found success as a prolific songwriter.

As a singer, she displayed no great technique and, unusually, never improvised; she did, however, wring a lyric for its emotional content, while bringing a searing, dramatic quality to the musical line.

Abbey Lincoln divorced Max Roach in 1970. She never remarried, and is survived by two brothers and a sister.

I wanted to include a YouTube video of one of Abbey’s songs, but they all seem to be from more recent performances, which I’m not a big fan of. I prefer her older stuff, circa the 50′s and 60′s. I guess you could say I was more of a fan of her Billie Holiday-type fair, even though I get the impression (from what I’ve read) that she was kinda just going through the motions with that stuff, until she got away from “The Man” and was able to forge her Black Power persona. Funny how so many of the black female singers whose work I fell in love with PRE-liberation, I lost interest in, POST-liberation (Nina Simone). I feel like “the oppressor” for saying it, but it’s true. In my opinion, it definitely affected the lyrics and overall feel and/or presence of their music.

I highly recommend her album Affair … A Story Of A Girl In Love. A personal favorite.

• Naqoyqatsi © 2002
• Alphaville © 1965
Comments: I LOVE this movie and was excited to find it used a few weeks ago since it was out of print. Of course, after adding it to my DVDAf inventory, I discovered that it was recently re-released. Oh well. Still, an excellent movie full of unrelenting eyecandy. While watching it, it dawned on me that Kelly Osbourne was paying homage to this movie in her video for her single One Word (which I love). Very cool. Should have known Kelly would appreciate it.
• Dead Tone (AKA 7eventy 5ive) © 2007
Comments: I saw the trailer for this movie, via YouTube and it instantly became an obsession to see. Not because it breaks any new ground in the slasher genre, but because it was so wonderfully 80′s. I’d liken it to a cross between Urban Legend and I Saw What You Did. The only thing that had me feeling iffy about purchasing it on Amazon, was the fact that it is alternately-titled “Flavor Flav’s Nite Tales Presents…Dead Tone” Yikes. Obviously FF was trying to start some kind of franchise, copycatting the likes of Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror, with his own brand of “urban” horror. Ech. And though I liked the movie a lot, I could have lived without the cheesy intro cameo, where FF emerges from a puff of smoke in a horribly CGI’ed castle, wearing some goofy top hat and flourishing a black Dracula cape, and introduces the movie. It’s bad enough he felt he had to put himself in the upper right hand corner of the DVD cover. Just be comfortable collecting a paycheck from behind-the-scenes and skip the camera mugging. Oy!
• Get Carter © 2000
Comments: Stallone is definitely hot in this movie (esp. once he shed the facial hair), but the premise just seemed kinda weak. The DVD had the trailer for the original Michael Caine version (1971) and it looked GREAT! I was actually more excited about finding & purchasing the original than where this was was going. Great cast, but it just felt very by-the-numbers. Still, I’ll hold onto it, if for nothing more than the eyecandy.
• Grizzly Park © 2008
Comments: One of the 3 for $10, discovered at the truck stop in Weatherford. Could have its moments.
• The Bob Newhart Show: Season 3 © 1974
• Black Dynamite © 2009
Comments Michael Jai White is fuckin’ HOT!! Plus, if you loved the blaxploitation movies of the seventies, you will dig this BIG time! So well executed that you’d swear it was authentic vintage seventies. LOVE it!
• Charlie Chan Collection © 2010
- Dangerous Money © 1946
- Dark Alibi © 1946
- The Chinese Ring © 1947
- The Trap © 1946
• Scott Steiner’s Freak Show © 2010
• Grizzly Rage © 2007
Comments: It seems like I am on a killer bear kick, and I guess I am. Of course, none of these killer bear movies can hold a candle to the original (and best…beast?) of them all, 1976′s Grizzly! I must admit, I just bought this one because it has a hot guy (Tyler Hoechlin) in it (and it was super cheap). What? I likes my eyecandy!
• American Dad! Season 5 © 2010
• The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 © 2009
• Killer Movie © 2008
Comments: Another one of my aforementioned 3 for $10. Actually, not an entire loss. Though I didn’t think the whole reality show twist was all that creative (or funny), I did like the look of the killer and the body count was pretty decent. I totally knew who the killer was pretty early on. It’s not too hard to figure out when you get introduced to the character once, than never see them again. No character is incidental (especially when they are one of the stars listed in the main credits! HELLO!). Saw, anyone?
• Penny Dreadful © 2006
Comments: The name says it all. Thank god this was cheap. Overact much? Going in the junk pile.
• Columbo: Season 4 © 1974
• White Sands © 1992
• Triple Feature DVD Set
- The Alligator People © 1959
- Lake Placid © 1999
- Swamp Thing © 1982
Comments: I bought this for one reason: Alligator People! Such a fun movie. Been looking for it forever.
• Mannequin/Mannequin 2 © 1987/1991
• Crypt of Terror: Horror From South of the Border. Vol.1 © 2007
- Vacation of Terror (Vacaciones de Terror) © 1989
- Vacation of Terror 2 (Vacaciones de Terror 2) © 1989
- Hell’s Trap (Trampa Infernal) © 1990
- Cemetery of Terror (Cementerio Del Terror) © 1985
- Grave Robbers (Ladrones de Tumbas) © 1990
- The Demon Rat (La Rata Malidita) © 1991
- Don’t Panic (Dimensiones Ocultas) © 1989
• Loaded © 2008
• Rhoda: Season 3 © 1976
Comments: After re-watching season one, I had the urge to watch season 2. All I could find was season 3 (which I didn’t even know was out!). Wish I’d waited for season 2. Season 3 is “meh” at best. SO not loving the “wacky, yet loveable” characters outside the original cast. I found myself fast-forwarding through their scenes a lot. Talk about grating on your nerves.
• Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List: Season 3 © 2007
Comments: LOVE Kathy, get a kick out of the show. Think this overly-Photoshopped cover is awful (i.e. her waist looks ridiculous! From a distance, like shown here, it may not seem as glaringly obvious, but up close…oy). If I were her, I’d SO fire the person who did the cover, but then I suppose she had to approve it, so maybe she thinks the horrible Photoshopping job is flattering or funny. I dunno. Bad cover for a great series.
• Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief © 2010
• The New Daughter © 2009

Continuing with my 0 for 0 dating way of life slump, I was more than a little excited when I met someone through the personals that I seemed to click with. We talked at length on the phone, as well as online. As it turned out, we were both big Morrissey fans, shared the same sense of humor, and we both liked to read. We made plans to meet for dinner at Pappadeux. I was really nervous. Not so much because I felt like this was fertile ground for romance, but more so because this guy could turn out to be something more…a potential friend.

We meet in the parking lot of the restaurant and my inner dialogue is freaking out because he’s actually good-looking. Trust me, this was a first for me. Most of the people I’d met (or would meet) were very nondescript. Not necessarily ugly, but visually forgettable.

Working at a music store at the time, Morrissey’s new album had just come out and I had got my hands on several of the store displays (LP-sized cutouts of his new album). I brought a couple to give to ‘Sean,’ as a way to break the ice. He seemed excited to receive them and we proceeded to go inside.

Dinner was going great. I was hilarious and had Sean in stitches. In retrospect, I was probably doing what I used to do when I get anxious: talking too much. The gift of gab can be a blessing and a curse both at the same time. A blessing because someone has to get the ball rolling, and a curse because you end up revealing way too much about yourself too quickly, which gives them the advantage. Why should you be an open book while they’ve wagered nothing? Make them work for it.

So, dinner is going well. We seem to have a lot in common and I can’t help feeling like this has potential to lead to the ever-elusive Second Date…until he says: “You know who you remind me of?” *sound of screeching tires* My internal dialogue is thinking ‘Fuck! Here we go.’ Anytime anyone has ever said that to me, the result was turdtastic. Lemme see, there was that time I wore a black turtleneck and sunglasses to history class and got compared to Roy Orbison, the man who has a face like a loaded diaper wearing Ray-Bans. Then there’s the lead singer of Los Lobos (circa 1987). And let me think, who else, oh yeah, Orson Welles. This from my B&W Photography professor, upon seeing my self-portrait assignment. Seeing the less-than-thrilled look on my face, she rushed to add “A young Orson Welles.” Riiiight. Pardon me while I bust out the Paul Masson.

A pained look comes across my face and I say “Uh oh. Let me have it.” He back peddles and says ‘No, no. You’ll take it the wrong way.’ I say “Noooo, you can’t do that; say something like that, then leave me hanging!” He continues to protest. I go on to tell him that it can’t be any worse than the other comparisons from my past, and he finally relents: Natalie from The Facts of Life. Nata-fuckin’-lie….from The Facts of fuckin’ Life. He instantly begins damage control by saying that it’s her sense of humor/delivery that reminds him of me. Not her physical appearance. For an instant, I’m torn because Natalie was always my favorite, but my ingrained sense of self deprecation can’t shake the physical comparison.

The conversation slowly, but surely grinds to a halt and we finish dinner. He asks if I’d like to go to Barnes & Noble and browse and maybe get some coffee. In need of some retail therapy, I consent.

We get in our respective cars and meet up at Barnes & Noble. We walk around the store browsing together, and as we browse, I’m very aware of someone continuously in my peripheral vision. I pay closer attention and notice this guy stalking us: we turn the corner to go down one aisle, he shows up at the other end. We go towards the center of the aisle, so does he, but at a distance. I watch him and he’s staring at Sean. Sean acts disinterested, but notices as well.

We continue to shop, trying to lose the guy, but he keeps popping up at the opposite end of whatever aisle we go to. We eventually move to the magazine area, and sure enough, he follows. At this point, it’s obvious that he’s cruising Sean, big time…and Sean seems to be seriously digging it. Obviously no longer distracted, but genuinely intrigued.

We decide to go into the cafe portion of the store and get something to drink. The magazine area is visible from the cafe, and as we sit down, Sean mentions in (mock) disbelief that the guy is still looking at him. He keeps on talking about it for so long, completely too distracted to carry on a conversation with me, I eventually say “Should I leave so you two can get it on or what?” He laughs nervously and says no, that he just can’t believe how persistent this guy is. At this point, I am so over it. I tell him I need to get going and start heading for the exit.

But we’re not the only ones leaving. The Shadow is leaving too, but he’s keeping his distance. As we’re walking outside into the parking lot, he comes out as well, and lingers near the entrance. We say our goodbyes and Sean says that he doesn’t feel like we clicked romantically, be that he would like to be friends. Completely turned off by the whole drooling over the stalker episode, I say sure, I’ll call him (lie).

We get into our cars, the back of his car facing the entrance of the bookstore. As I circle around and drive past the entrance, I see The Shadow emerge from beneath the entrance’s awning and stand in front of one of the large pillars that flanks either side of the doorway. As he stands there, leaning against one of the pillars, he blatantly rubs his crotch in Sean’s general direction, obviously hoping to catch his attention one last time before he leaves!

I roll my eyes as I exit the parking lot, more convinced than ever that all gay guys are whores.